You can sue the other woman for destroying your marriage only if the affair happened in one of the handful of states that still recognize these old common-law claims. As of 2026, that list is Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. Everywhere else, the courthouse door is closed, no matter how clearly she wrecked your marriage or how much proof you have.
Two different lawsuits are available in those states, and most plaintiffs file both together. Which one fits your situation, and what you’ll have to prove, depends on the facts.
Where You Can Actually File
Most states abolished these torts decades ago. Five still allow them: Hawaii, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Dakota, and Utah. North Carolina sees the most activity by a wide margin and produces most of the notable verdicts.
New Mexico dropped off the list on January 26, 2026, when its Supreme Court unanimously abolished the tort in Butterworth v. Jackson. The court held that alienation of affection claims cannot coexist with a no-fault divorce system that refuses to assign blame for a marriage’s breakdown.1New Mexico Courts: Administrative Office of the Courts. NM Supreme Court Issues Opinion Abolishing Lawsuits for Alienation of Affections
Jurisdiction follows the conduct, not your address. If the affair occurred in North Carolina, North Carolina law governs even if you live in a state that abolished these claims long ago. For criminal conversation that usually means where the sexual intercourse took place. For alienation of affection, where the interference happened can be harder to pin down when phone calls, trips, and meetings crossed state lines, and a jury may have to sort out which state’s law applies.
The Two Claims and What Each Requires
Alienation of affection and criminal conversation are related but distinct. The target of each is the outsider, not your spouse.
Alienation of Affection
This claim lets you sue someone whose deliberate actions destroyed the love between you and your spouse. It usually targets a romantic partner, but in theory it can reach anyone who intentionally drove a wedge, including a meddling relative.2Legal Information Institute. Alienation of Affection
To win, you have to prove three things:
- Genuine love existed in your marriage before she got involved. Testimony from friends and family, old messages between you and your spouse, photos, and travel records all help build this picture.
- That love was destroyed. A spouse’s sudden emotional withdrawal, unexplained absences, or an abrupt behavioral shift that lines up with the defendant’s entry into the picture point here.
- Her intentional actions caused the destruction. This is where most cases collapse. Mere presence during a bad patch is not enough. You need evidence of deliberate conduct likely to damage the marriage, and her knowledge that your spouse was married is central to showing intent.
You do not have to prove a sexual relationship for this claim. If you can, courts tend to treat the intent element as satisfied, but romantic texts, secret meetings, gifts, and social media exchanges can do the work on their own.
Criminal Conversation
Despite the name, this is a civil lawsuit, not a criminal charge. It is essentially a claim for adultery against the person who had sexual intercourse with your spouse during the marriage.3Cornell Law School. Criminal Conversation Tort
You need to prove only two elements: that your marriage was valid at the time, and that sexual intercourse occurred before you and your spouse separated. You do not have to show the marriage was happy, that affection was lost, or that she knew your spouse was married. The act itself is the wrong.
The trade-off is proof. You need solid evidence of sexual contact. Circumstantial evidence sometimes carries the day, which is why private investigators often get hired to document hotel stays, overnight visits, and similar patterns.
Defenses She Will Raise
Expect pushback on multiple fronts. The strongest defenses differ by claim.
Against an alienation of affection claim, the most common defense is that the marriage was already dead when she arrived. If she can show the love and affection had already evaporated, there was nothing left to alienate. She may also argue she genuinely did not know your spouse was married, that you consented to or encouraged the relationship, or that other factors like existing conflict, substance abuse, or money problems destroyed the marriage.
Against criminal conversation, her options are narrower. The main defenses are that you and your spouse had already physically separated before the sex occurred, or that you encouraged or facilitated the adultery. Ignorance that your spouse was married is generally not a valid defense to criminal conversation, though it may reduce damages.
How Long You Have to File
You cannot sit on these claims. In North Carolina, the statute of limitations is three years from the defendant’s last act giving rise to the claim.4North Carolina General Assembly. North Carolina Code GS 52-13 – Procedures in Causes of Action for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation The clock runs from the last wrongful act, not from the day you discovered the affair. If the relationship ended years ago and you just found out, you may already be out of time.
The same statute bars either claim based on anything that happened after you and your spouse physically separated with the intent that the separation be permanent.4North Carolina General Assembly. North Carolina Code GS 52-13 – Procedures in Causes of Action for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation Deadlines in the other states that still allow these claims vary, but three years is common.
What You Can Win
Juries have broad discretion, and awards can be large. One well-known North Carolina case produced a $9 million verdict, split between $5 million compensatory and $4 million punitive. Verdicts that size are rare but they show the ceiling.
Compensatory damages cover the actual harm: emotional distress, humiliation, damage to reputation, and loss of consortium, which means the companionship, comfort, affection, and sexual relations your marriage provided. Economic losses can also factor in, including loss of your spouse’s financial support or household contributions.
Punitive damages punish egregious behavior. Courts look at how brazen the conduct was, how long it continued, and whether she showed any regard for the harm. A defendant who flaunted the affair publicly or continued it after being confronted is more exposed to a punitive award.
What It Costs to Bring the Case
These lawsuits are expensive, and that reality quietly screens out most potential cases. In North Carolina, attorney fees often start at $25,000 to take a case through trial. Contested litigation with heavy discovery, depositions, and expert testimony pushes well beyond that.
Private investigators are common, especially for criminal conversation claims that require proof of sexual contact. Surveillance generally runs $85 to $150 per hour, with retainers of $1,000 to $5,000 upfront. Weeks of monitoring can run investigator costs into five figures on their own.
Most alienation of affection verdicts do not include attorney fees for the winner, so you bear your own costs regardless of outcome. And a judgment is only worth what the defendant can pay. If she has no significant assets, a large verdict can leave you with a paper win and a stack of legal bills.
Limits That Catch People Off Guard
North Carolina’s statute allows suit only against a natural person, meaning an individual human being.4North Carolina General Assembly. North Carolina Code GS 52-13 – Procedures in Causes of Action for Alienation of Affection and Criminal Conversation You cannot sue a business, a church, or any other organization, even if someone acting on its behalf was the one who interfered. The claim has to name the individual.
These cases are also public. Court filings are accessible records, and sizable verdicts draw press coverage. Intimate details about your marriage and the affair will become part of a public record, and that cannot be undone once the complaint is filed.
Finally, the lawsuit against the other woman is separate from your divorce, but the two influence each other. Filing signals that you are assigning blame, which tends to escalate conflict and complicate divorce negotiations. In most states that still allow these claims, the divorce court itself does not weigh marital fault in dividing property or awarding alimony, so the tort case is where that question gets litigated.5Justia. Alienation of Affections: The New Mexico Supreme Court Joins the Crowd and Abolishes the Cause of Action North Carolina is a partial exception, since marital misconduct there can affect alimony, which means your tort case and your divorce can draw on overlapping evidence.