If your ex is harassing you through text, you have real legal options: preserve the messages as evidence, report the conduct to police, and, depending on severity, pursue a protective order, criminal charges, or a civil lawsuit for damages. State harassment and stalking laws cover electronic messages in every state, and federal law adds another layer when the texts cross state lines or contain threats. The right first move depends on how unsafe you feel right now.
What to Do Today
Blocking is the obvious instinct, and sometimes it’s the right one. But in some apps, blocking notifies the other person, which can provoke escalation. Muting the contact silences the notifications without alerting your ex. The messages keep arriving, which preserves evidence, and your day stops being interrupted. Most phones and messaging apps let you mute a single contact or set them to “do not disturb.”
If you feel physically unsafe, skip the strategy and block. Your carrier can also help. The FCC has authorized phone companies to block calls and texts from numbers that aren’t in a customer’s contact list when the customer opts in, and most carriers let you report spam texts by forwarding them to 7726 (SPAM).1Federal Communications Commission. Stop Unwanted Robocalls and Texts That matters once your ex starts texting from unfamiliar numbers.
If this is tied to a relationship that involved domestic violence or controlling behavior, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is at 1-800-799-7233, or you can text START to 88788.2National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic Violence Support Advocates can help with safety planning and local legal resources without pressuring you toward any particular step.
Save the Texts the Right Way
Harassment cases live or die on evidence, and texts are easy to preserve badly. A screenshot that cuts off the date, the sender’s number, or part of the thread loses most of its value in court. Capture the full message with the contact name or number visible, the timestamp, and enough surrounding messages to show context. Do this every time something new arrives, even if it seems minor on its own. The pattern is often more important than any single text.
Back the screenshots up to at least two places: cloud storage and a separate device such as a computer or a USB drive. If your ex has any access to your accounts, use a new account they don’t know about. Save related voicemails, emails, social media messages, and call logs too. Where a text references something that actually happened — a visit to your home, a confrontation at work — write a short note tying the message to the event and the date.
If messages have been deleted, either by you or remotely, recovery may still be possible. Deleted texts aren’t immediately erased from a device; the data persists until it’s overwritten, which can take months. Law enforcement can use forensic tools to extract deleted messages with a court order. End-to-end encrypted messages (WhatsApp and similar) are harder to recover from the network side but can often still be pulled from the device. Stop using the phone for anything that might overwrite the deleted data and talk to law enforcement or an attorney about forensic recovery as soon as possible.
When Texting Becomes Illegal Harassment
Every state has its own harassment or stalking statute, and most have been updated to cover electronic communications. The core idea is consistent: a pattern of unwanted contact meant to alarm, annoy, or frighten you. One rude text usually won’t qualify. Repeated messages after you’ve told your ex to stop, messages meant to intimidate, or any message containing a threat of violence almost certainly will.
Most states treat basic harassment as a misdemeanor. The charge can escalate to a felony when the messages contain threats of violence, when the conduct is part of a stalking pattern, or when the harasser violates an existing protective order. Some states have standalone cyberstalking or cyber harassment statutes; others fold electronic conduct into their general stalking and harassment laws. The practical difference for you is small.
Federal statutes come into play when the communication crosses state lines or uses interstate infrastructure, which virtually all texts and internet messages do:
- Under 47 U.S.C. § 223, it’s a federal crime to use a telecommunications device to make repeated calls or send repeated messages solely to harass someone, or to contact someone anonymously with intent to threaten or harass. The penalty is up to two years in prison, a fine, or both.3Office of the Law Revision Counsel. 47 USC 223 – Obscene or Harassing Telephone Calls in the District of Columbia or in Interstate or Foreign Communications
- Under 18 U.S.C. § 2261A, using electronic communication in a course of conduct that places someone in reasonable fear of serious injury, or that causes or would be expected to cause substantial emotional distress, is federal stalking. Penalties escalate with the harm caused.4Office of the Law Revision Counsel. 18 USC 2261A – Stalking
- Under 18 U.S.C. § 875(c), transmitting any communication containing a threat to injure someone across state lines carries up to five years in federal prison.5Office of the Law Revision Counsel. 18 U.S. Code 875 – Interstate Communications
Federal prosecutions are less common than state ones, but they do happen when the conduct is severe or state remedies have failed.
What Counts as a Threat
Not every angry or disturbing text is a criminal threat. In Elonis v. United States (2015), the Supreme Court overturned a conviction for threatening Facebook posts and held that prosecutors have to show more than that a reasonable person would have found the statements threatening. The sender’s own mental state matters.6United States Courts. Facts and Case Summary – Elonis v. U.S.
In Counterman v. Colorado (2023), the Court clarified that the First Amendment requires at minimum proof the sender acted recklessly, meaning they consciously disregarded a substantial risk that their messages would be perceived as threatening violence.7Supreme Court of the United States. Counterman v. Colorado For your purposes, a sustained harassing campaign usually clears this bar comfortably, because the pattern itself shows awareness.
Filing a Police Report
A police report creates the formal record that most other legal options depend on. You don’t need to wait for the harassment to become extreme. Bring your screenshots, your written timeline, and any voicemails or emails that show the pattern. Walk the officer through the sequence: how many times you’ve been contacted, whether you asked your ex to stop, and any specific threats.
Be prepared for the first officer not to see texts as serious. Some departments treat harassment complaints casually until there’s a documented history, which is exactly why you file. Even if no arrest happens that day, the report establishes a timeline, and each new report strengthens the next one. If you already have a protective order and your ex is violating it, say so immediately. The violation is typically a separate crime and can trigger an arrest on its own.
Getting a Protective Order
A protective order (called a restraining order in some states) is a court order that legally bars your ex from contacting you. You file a petition at your local courthouse describing the harassment and showing your evidence. Many courts issue a temporary order the same day, based on your petition alone, which stays in effect until a full hearing where both sides can appear.
At the hearing you need to show by a preponderance of the evidence — “more likely than not” — that the harassment occurred and that you need protection. That’s a much lower bar than the “beyond a reasonable doubt” standard in criminal cases. Documented texts, your log, and any police reports carry real weight.
Cost shouldn’t stop you from filing. Under the Violence Against Women Act, courts in every state are prohibited from charging filing fees for protective orders in domestic violence cases, and many states extend fee waivers to harassment and stalking orders as well. Service fees are commonly waived or minimal.
Once an order is in place, any contact from your ex, including a single text, is a violation. Penalties vary by state and can include criminal contempt, fines, and jail time. Keep documenting every violation. Each one independently strengthens your position.
If Your Ex Switches Numbers or Spoofs Caller ID
Some harassers use burner phone apps, VoIP services, or spoofed caller IDs to get around blocks and protective orders. That doesn’t make them untraceable. Law enforcement can obtain call detail records from your carrier to identify the originating service provider, then serve legal process on that provider for subscriber information, payment records, and device identifiers.8FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin. Investigating Scam Phone Calls The chain often runs through multiple providers, but each one responds to subpoenas and court orders.
Spoofing caller ID to harass someone also violates the Truth in Caller ID Act, which prohibits transmitting misleading caller ID information with intent to cause harm. Each violation can draw a penalty of up to $10,000.9Federal Communications Commission. Caller ID Spoofing If your ex has also accessed your phone, accounts, or devices without permission, that conduct may separately violate the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, which makes it a federal crime to intentionally access a computer or device without authorization.10Office of the Law Revision Counsel. 18 USC 1030 – Fraud and Related Activity in Connection With Computers
Suing Your Ex in Civil Court
Criminal charges aren’t your only option. You can sue your ex for intentional infliction of emotional distress, a tort claim recognized in every state. To win, you generally have to show four things: your ex acted intentionally or recklessly; the conduct was extreme and outrageous, not just rude or unpleasant; you suffered severe emotional distress; and the distress flowed directly from the conduct. A sustained campaign of threatening or degrading texts can meet that standard, especially when combined with other harassing behavior.
If you win, you can recover damages for emotional suffering, therapy costs, and physical symptoms caused by the stress. Many states also allow punitive damages for particularly egregious conduct. A civil suit can run alongside or independently of any criminal case. The burden of proof is lower, so you may succeed civilly even when prosecutors decline to file charges.
What Your Ex Could Face
Basic harassment charges in most states are misdemeanors carrying probation, mandatory counseling, and up to a year in jail. When the conduct qualifies as stalking, involves threats of violence, or violates an existing protective order, it often jumps to a felony with potential prison time measured in years.
Federal penalties stack onto that in interstate cases. Harassing communications under 47 U.S.C. § 223 carry up to two years. Interstate threats under 18 U.S.C. § 875(c) carry up to five. Federal stalking under 18 U.S.C. § 2261A carries penalties that escalate with the harm caused and can be severe when the victim is seriously injured.
Courts may also order restitution, requiring the harasser to reimburse you for therapy, lost wages, moving expenses, or other financial losses caused by the harassment. Convicted offenders commonly receive no-contact orders as a condition of probation or parole, and violating those conditions can send them back to jail.