If your husband hit you, your safety comes first, and what he did is a crime regardless of how he explains it afterward. If you are searching “my husband hit me, what should I do,” the immediate steps are to get somewhere safe, document your injuries, and call either 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (text START to 88788, or chat at thehotline.org).1National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic Violence Support From there, you have real legal tools — protective orders, criminal charges, federal protections — and you do not have to use them alone.
Get Safe First
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Do not weigh whether the situation is “serious enough.” Any physical violence qualifies, and dispatchers handle these calls every day.
If an argument is escalating and you still have time to move, get to a room with a door to the outside. Stay out of the kitchen and bathroom, where hard surfaces and knives make injuries worse. If your children are home, tell them to go to a neighbor’s or call 911 themselves, and practice that with them in advance so they can do it under stress.
Once you are out of the room or out of the house, don’t go back for belongings while he is still there. Go to a friend’s or family member’s home, a domestic violence shelter, or anywhere public with other people around. If you have nowhere to go, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can connect you with a local shelter the same day.1National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic Violence Support
Document What Happened
Evidence is what turns your account into something a court, a prosecutor, or a protective-order judge can act on. Start collecting it as soon as you are safe.
- Photograph your injuries in clear light. Take a close-up and a wider shot that shows where on your body the injury is. Photograph damaged property, holes in walls, or broken objects too.
- Write down the date, time, place, and exactly what he did and said. Note whether the children were present and what led up to the violence. Do this while details are fresh.
- Screenshot threatening or abusive texts, voicemails, emails, and social media messages. Back them up to an account he cannot access, or email them to someone you trust.
- Get medical attention even if you think the injuries are minor. Tell the doctor or nurse exactly how you were hurt. Their notes become a time-stamped, professional record that is hard to dispute later.
Store this evidence somewhere outside your home — with a trusted friend, in a locked car, in a cloud account with a new password, or in a safe deposit box. If he finds and destroys it, you lose the strongest tool you have for the steps that follow.
Report It to Police
Filing a police report creates an official record and starts the criminal process. If you are not in immediate danger, you can call the non-emergency line or go to the station in person.
Give a straightforward account: where you were, what he did, how he hit you, what injuries you have. Bring your photos and anything else you have. The officers will write up a domestic incident report that includes your statement. Ask for the report number and the responding officer’s name so you can follow up.
In roughly half of all states and the District of Columbia, officers are required to arrest someone when they have probable cause to believe domestic violence occurred. Most departments elsewhere still treat arrest as the expected response.
Reporting is not the same as pressing charges. That decision belongs to the prosecutor’s office, and in many places the state will proceed with charges whether or not you want them to, because domestic violence is treated as a crime against the public. Depending on your injuries and whether a weapon was involved, your husband could face anything from misdemeanor assault to felony battery.
File for a Protective Order
A protective order is a court order that legally requires your husband to stay away from you. It can bar him from contacting you by any means, require him to keep a set distance from your home, your workplace, and your children’s school, and force him to move out of a shared residence. Violating it is a separate criminal offense that leads to arrest.
Emergency and Final Orders
Most states offer two types. An emergency or temporary order is usually granted the same day you apply, often without your husband present, and lasts a few days to a few weeks. A final order is issued after a hearing where both sides appear and can last from one to several years; some states allow lifetime orders in serious cases.
How to File
You file a petition at your local courthouse, usually through the clerk’s office or a domestic violence intake unit. Many courthouses have advocates on-site who help you with the paperwork. Filing fees for domestic violence protective orders are waived in the vast majority of states. You do not need a lawyer to file, though having one helps if the case is contested at the full hearing.
If You Cross State Lines
Federal law requires every state, territory, and tribal government to enforce a valid protective order issued anywhere in the country, treating it exactly as if a local court had issued it.2Office of the Law Revision Counsel. United States Code Title 18 – 2265 Full Faith and Credit Given to Protection Orders You do not need to register the order in a new state for it to be enforceable, but registering it with local police makes enforcement faster. If you leave the state, bring a copy with you.
Make a Safety Plan
A safety plan is a short set of concrete steps you prepare now so you can act fast later. It works whether you are planning to leave or staying while you figure things out.
Physical Preparation
Pack an emergency bag and keep it outside the home — with a friend or in your car’s trunk. Include copies of birth certificates, Social Security cards, your ID, insurance and immigration documents, medications, a change of clothes for you and your children, cash, and a charger. Memorize two trusted phone numbers and set up a code word with someone that means “call 911 for me.” Keep your phone charged.
More than 40 states run address confidentiality programs that give survivors a substitute mailing address so their real location stays out of public records.3Arizona Secretary of State. Address Confidentiality Programs Throughout the United States Your secretary of state’s office can tell you if you qualify.
Digital Precautions
This is the piece most safety plans miss. If your husband can track your phone, he knows where you are and who you have called.
- Go through every app and turn off location sharing. Call your mobile carrier and ask whether any location-tracking services are active on your account, especially on a shared family plan.
- Watch for unexplained data usage spikes, which can mean monitoring software is running. If you suspect your phone is compromised, a prepaid phone with a new account not linked to anything he has touched is the safest option.
- Use a library computer or a friend’s device for sensitive searches about shelters, lawyers, or leaving.
- Set up a new email address with a username that is not your name, and use a different password for every account.
If you are worried about a GPS tracker in your car, a mechanic or local law enforcement can check.
Financial Preparation
Financial control is one of the main tools abusers use to keep someone from leaving. Open a bank account in your own name at a different bank, choose paperless statements, and direct correspondence to your new email. Set aside small amounts when it is safe to do so. Copy financial records — tax returns, bank and investment statements, mortgage documents, credit card statements. If you take money from a joint account when you leave, keep records of what it was spent on, because a divorce court may ask.
Federal Protections You May Not Know You Have
Several federal laws create protections for domestic violence survivors that apply in every state.
Firearms
Anyone convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence is prohibited under federal law from possessing firearms or ammunition, and violating that prohibition is itself a federal felony.4Office of the Law Revision Counsel. United States Code Title 18 – 922 Unlawful Acts If your husband has such a conviction and still has guns in the home, that is a crime you can report.
Housing
If you live in federally subsidized housing or hold a Section 8 voucher, the Violence Against Women Act prevents your landlord from evicting you because of the abuse. You can request an emergency transfer to a different unit, or a lease bifurcation that removes your husband from the lease without costing you your home. Section 8 voucher holders can move to a new location and keep the assistance.5U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development. Violence Against Women Act (VAWA)
Immigration
If you are not a U.S. citizen and your husband has used your status to control you, VAWA lets you file a self-petition for lawful status without his cooperation. You will need to show the marriage was entered in good faith, that you experienced battery or extreme cruelty, and that you lived with him in the United States at some point. There is no filing fee, you do not need a police report or a conviction, and USCIS will not contact your husband during the process.6USCIS. Abused Spouses, Children and Parents
Time Off Work
If your injuries require medical treatment that meets the threshold for a serious health condition — an overnight hospital stay, or a condition that keeps you out of work for more than three consecutive days with ongoing treatment — the Family and Medical Leave Act gives you up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave.7Office of the Law Revision Counsel. United States Code Title 29 – 2612 Leave Requirement Roughly half of all states also have laws giving domestic violence survivors specific leave to attend court, seek medical care, or access victim services. Your state’s department of labor can tell you what applies where you live.
Where to Turn for Help
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, text START to 88788, chat at thehotline.org) is free, confidential, and open 24 hours a day in English and Spanish.1National Domestic Violence Hotline. Domestic Violence Support Advocates can help you think through a safety plan, find a shelter tonight, and work out your next legal step.
Local domestic violence shelters provide safe housing, and many of them also offer legal advocacy, help filing for protective orders, counseling, and support groups. These services are typically free. Legal aid organizations in most areas provide free representation in protective order hearings and divorce cases for survivors.
None of these resources require you to have already left. You can call the hotline, meet with an advocate, or talk to a counselor while you are still deciding what to do. The people who answer these calls talk to someone in your exact situation every day, and they will not push you into anything you are not ready for.