After you are served with divorce papers, the clock starts: you have a limited window — typically 20 to 30 days from the date of service — to file a written response with the court. Miss it, and the judge can grant your spouse everything they asked for without ever hearing from you. Everything else that happens in a divorce (financial disclosures, temporary orders, hearings, eventual settlement or trial) flows from that first step. The rest of this guide walks through what you received, how to respond, and what to expect in the weeks that follow.
What You Were Just Handed
The packet usually contains two core documents. The first is a Summons, the court’s official notice that a case has been filed against you and that you are required to respond by a specific date. Read it carefully. The response deadline printed on the Summons controls your entire timeline.
The second is a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, which some states call a Complaint. Your spouse filed this to open the case, which makes them the Petitioner and you the Respondent. The Petition spells out what they are asking the court to do: how they want property and debts divided, what custody arrangement they are proposing, and whether they are requesting child support or spousal support. Depending on your state, you may also find additional forms about children or finances.
Those proposals are not the outcome. They are your spouse’s opening position, and your response is where you accept, reject, or counter each item.
Your Deadline and What Default Means
The Summons tells you exactly how many days you have. The 20-to-30-day range is common, but deadlines vary by state, so trust the number on your paperwork rather than general advice. Count from the date you were served, not the date the Petition was filed.
If you let the deadline pass, the court can enter a default judgment against you. The judge treats your silence as agreement with everything in the Petition and can divide property, set support amounts, and establish custody based entirely on your spouse’s proposals. You can lose your share of the house, retirement accounts, and parenting time because you didn’t file a piece of paper on time.
Defaults are not always permanent. Most states allow you to file a motion to set aside a default, but you have to show a valid reason — such as never actually receiving the papers or a serious medical emergency — and courts are not generous. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. If a default has already been entered, call a lawyer immediately rather than assuming it’s fixable later.
If You Need More Time
Act before the deadline, not after. The simplest path is to ask your spouse (or their attorney) to agree to an extension in writing; both sides sign a stipulation setting a new deadline, and you file it with the court. If they won’t agree, you can file a motion asking the judge for more time. Courts generally grant a short first extension when you can show you’re working on your response rather than stalling.
Writing Your Answer
Your formal response is usually called an Answer. In it, you go through the Petition’s claims one by one and state whether you agree, disagree, or lack enough information to respond. That forces you to take a position on every issue your spouse raised — property, debts, custody, and support. Most state court websites provide standardized forms that walk you through the process.
Be specific. If the Petition asks that your spouse keep the family home, your Answer is where you object or propose an alternative. If they request a particular custody schedule, you either accept it or spell out what you want. Vague disagreements don’t help; the court needs to know your actual position.
Whether to File a Counter-Petition
An Answer only responds to what your spouse asked for. If you want the court to grant something they didn’t request — spousal support they left out, a different custody arrangement, a specific property allocation — you need to file a counter-petition (also called a cross-petition or counterclaim) alongside your Answer.
A counter-petition also protects you if your spouse later changes their mind. Without one, the Petitioner can voluntarily dismiss the case, which erases any temporary orders already in place and forces you to start over with a new filing. With a counter-petition on file, the case continues even if your spouse walks away, and existing orders stay in effect. This happens more often than you’d expect when the filing spouse gets cold feet or tries to use dismissal as leverage.
Filing and Serving Your Response
Make at least two copies of everything, then file the originals with the court clerk at the same courthouse where your spouse filed the Petition. The clerk stamps the documents with the official filing date, which is what counts for deadline purposes.
Most courts charge a filing fee, and the amount varies significantly by jurisdiction. Check the court’s website or call the clerk’s office for the current figure. If you can’t afford it, you can request a fee waiver by filing a separate application that documents your income and expenses. Courts routinely grant waivers for people who qualify.
After filing, you must formally serve a stamped copy of your response on your spouse or their attorney, and you cannot do this yourself. Another adult who isn’t part of the case delivers the documents — by hand or by mail, depending on state rules — and signs a Proof of Service form that gets filed with the court. Your response isn’t legally complete until service happens.
Orders That May Already Restrict You
In some states, certain court orders take effect automatically once a divorce is filed or once both parties are served. California, for example, imposes Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders (ATROs) on both spouses, and other states issue standing orders with similar restrictions. They exist to keep either spouse from draining accounts, hiding property, or disrupting the children’s lives while the case is pending.
Where they apply, these orders typically prohibit both parties from:
- Transferring or hiding assets — selling property, emptying accounts, or taking on new debt outside normal living expenses
- Changing insurance coverage — canceling or modifying health, auto, or life policies, or switching beneficiaries
- Relocating with children — moving the kids out of state without the other parent’s written consent or a court order
Not every state has automatic orders. In many jurisdictions, you have to ask the court for a temporary restraining order if you believe your spouse is wasting assets or planning to relocate with the children. Check your Summons and the attached paperwork; automatic restrictions will be spelled out there if they apply. Violating them, even unknowingly, can lead to sanctions or contempt.
Temporary Orders for the Months Ahead
Divorce cases can take months or years. In the meantime, bills need to be paid, children need a schedule, and someone needs to live in the house. Temporary orders handle these issues while the case is pending, and either spouse can request them.
Common temporary orders include:
- Temporary support — a court-ordered payment from one spouse to the other, and for the children, to cover living expenses until the final decree
- Temporary custody and visitation — an interim parenting schedule
- Exclusive use of the home — granting one spouse the right to remain in the marital residence while the other moves out
- Attorney’s fees — requiring the higher-earning spouse to contribute toward the other’s legal costs so both parties can participate meaningfully
To get a temporary order, you file a motion explaining what you need and why. The court then schedules a short hearing where both sides present their arguments. Temporary orders carry full legal weight; ignoring one can result in contempt charges. They stay in effect until the judge modifies them or the final decree replaces them.
In genuine emergencies — a spouse threatening to flee the state with the children, domestic violence, or imminent destruction of property — you can request an emergency (ex parte) order on an expedited basis, sometimes without advance notice to the other side. Courts set a high bar and expect specific facts, not general concerns.
Mandatory Financial Disclosures
Separately from preparing your Answer, both spouses must complete and exchange detailed financial disclosures. These are comprehensive court forms requiring you to list all income, expenses, assets, and debts, backed by documents like tax returns, bank statements, pay stubs, and property deeds. Think of it as a full financial picture of your life.
The deadline for completing disclosures varies by state but typically falls within 30 to 60 days after the respondent files their Answer. The exchange is mandatory even in amicable divorces, because both sides are entitled to a complete view of marital finances before negotiating a settlement or going to trial. The forms are usually signed under penalty of perjury, so the consequences for lying are serious.
Start gathering documents now: recent pay stubs, tax returns for the last two to three years, bank and investment statements, mortgage papers, and a rough list of major assets and debts. The more organized you are early, the less scrambling you’ll do later.
Costly Mistakes in the First Weeks
The period right after being served is when respondents make their most expensive errors, usually out of panic or anger.
Hiding or Wasting Marital Assets
Courts take financial dishonesty extremely seriously. Moving money into a friend’s account, “forgetting” to disclose a brokerage account, or transferring property to a relative can trigger sanctions, contempt charges, and in severe cases criminal prosecution for perjury or fraud. When a court discovers hidden assets, it can award the entire concealed asset to your spouse and order you to pay their attorney’s fees for uncovering it.
Equally risky is what courts call dissipation: spending marital money on things unrelated to the marriage after the relationship has broken down. Running up credit cards on vacations, gambling, or funding a new relationship all qualify. If your spouse proves dissipation, the judge can reduce your share of the remaining marital estate to make up for what you squandered.
Letting Emotions Drive Decisions
Agreeing to a lopsided settlement just to get it over with, or refusing reasonable proposals out of spite, are both decisions you’ll regret once the emotions settle. This is where an attorney, or at least a trusted advisor, earns their keep. They see the long-term financial picture you may be too upset to evaluate clearly.
Oversharing on Social Media
Photos of expensive purchases, vacations, or a new relationship can all be used against you. Posts that contradict your financial claims or custody positions are especially damaging. Assume anything you post during a divorce will end up in front of the judge, because it very well might.
Failing to Document
Keep records of all communication with your spouse about the children, finances, and the case. Save text messages, emails, and voicemails. Track your own parenting time. Document the condition and value of major assets. If a dispute arises later, contemporaneous records carry far more weight than your memory.
The First Court Hearing
Once both sides have filed their initial paperwork, the court schedules a hearing, often called a Case Management Conference or Initial Status Conference. It isn’t a trial. The judge uses it to confirm that required documents have been filed, set deadlines for discovery and disclosures, and discuss whether the case is likely to settle or go to trial. The court may also refer both of you to mediation, a structured negotiation with a neutral third party aimed at resolving disputes without trial.
Come prepared. Having your financial documents organized and a clear sense of your priorities on custody, property, and support helps you and your attorney, if you have one, make a strong first impression.
Getting Legal Help Without Hiring Full Representation
Hiring a divorce attorney for the entire case is expensive, and many respondents assume it’s all-or-nothing. It isn’t. Most states allow limited scope representation, sometimes called unbundled legal services, where an attorney handles only specific pieces of your case for a flat or hourly fee.
You might hire a lawyer solely to review the Petition, explain your options, and help you draft your Answer, then handle the rest yourself. Or you could represent yourself through the early stages and bring in an attorney for one contested hearing or to review a proposed settlement before you sign. This approach lets you get professional guidance where it matters most without paying for representation on routine paperwork.
Many state bar associations maintain directories of attorneys who offer limited scope services, and court self-help centers can point you toward local resources. If you’re handling any part of the case yourself, your court’s family law facilitator or self-help center is a free resource for procedural questions. They can’t give legal advice, but they can help you find the right forms and understand what the court expects.