If you’ve been served with divorce papers, the clock is now running on a written response to the court, and the deadline is printed on the Summons you received. File that response on time and you keep an equal voice in how property, debts, custody, and support get decided. Miss it and the judge can grant your spouse everything they asked for without ever hearing from you.
Find Your Response Deadline First
Open the Summons and look for the number of days you have to respond. Depending on the state, the window runs anywhere from 20 to 35 days, with most states using 20 or 30 days and a handful using 21. If you were served outside the state or by mail, you may have 60 or even 90 days. The number on your Summons is the one that governs your case.
Start counting the day after you were served, not the day of service. Count every calendar day, weekends included. If the last day lands on a weekend or court holiday, the deadline rolls to the next business day the court is open. Put the date on your calendar before you do anything else.
What the Papers Are Asking For
You were handed two main documents. The Summons is the court’s official notice that a case has been filed against you, and it carries the deadline, the court’s name, and in many states a list of automatic restrictions that apply during the case. The Petition for Dissolution of Marriage is what your spouse filed to start the divorce. It identifies the two of you, lists the dates of marriage and separation, states the legal grounds, and spells out what your spouse is asking the court to order: how property and debts get split, who gets custody, and whether anyone pays spousal or child support.
Read every request in the Petition. Each one is something you can agree with, disagree with, or counter in your response.
Restrictions That May Already Apply to You
In many states, the moment the papers were filed and served, automatic court orders took effect against both spouses. The specifics vary by state, but common prohibitions include:
- Selling, transferring, or hiding marital property
- Draining bank accounts beyond normal living expenses
- Canceling insurance policies or changing beneficiaries
- Running up unreasonable new debt
- Taking children out of state without the other spouse’s written consent or a court order
These aren’t optional. Violating them can bring sanctions, contempt charges, and attorney fee awards. In states that use automatic restraining orders, the restrictions are usually printed on the Summons itself or on an attached page. Check carefully before you move money or make big financial decisions. Even in states without automatic orders, a judge can impose similar restrictions on request at any point.
Preparing Your Response
Your response, often called an Answer, is the document where you tell the court your side. Go through each claim in the Petition and mark whether you agree or disagree. If the Petition says the separation date was June 1 and you think it was March 15, deny that claim and state your version. If the Petition says your spouse should get the house and you disagree, deny it and state what you believe is fair.
Most state court websites post fill-in-the-blank response forms built for divorce cases. Use the official forms. Courts reject filings that don’t meet their formatting requirements, and a rejection doesn’t pause your deadline. Some courts require the response to be signed under penalty of perjury or notarized, and some require both. The instructions with your forms will say, and the clerk’s office can confirm.
This is also the stage where a family law attorney earns their fee. An attorney can spot issues in the Petition you’d miss, flag rights you might waive by accident, and tell you whether a counterpetition makes sense. If you can’t afford a private lawyer, your county’s legal aid office or the courthouse self-help center is the next call.
Should You File a Counterpetition?
A plain response protects you from default, but it’s defensive. A counterpetition (sometimes called a cross-petition) lets you make your own affirmative requests. If your spouse asked for sole custody and you want joint custody, or if your spouse wants to keep the house and you want it sold, a counterpetition is where you formally ask the court to order your preferred outcome.
A counterpetition also protects you if your spouse later drops their case. With only a response on file, a dismissal ends the case and nothing gets resolved. With a counterpetition on file, the case continues on your filing. Most courts let you file the counterpetition at the same time as the response. Filing it later is usually possible with the court’s permission, but earlier is simpler.
Filing and Serving the Response
Make several copies of the completed response. File the original with the clerk’s office at the courthouse where the case was filed. The clerk stamps your copies with the filing date, and that stamp is your proof you met the deadline. Many courts now require or allow electronic filing through an online portal, so check before driving to the courthouse.
Filing usually requires a fee, generally a few hundred dollars, with the exact amount set by the jurisdiction. If you can’t afford it, ask for a fee waiver. Eligibility typically depends on income, receipt of public benefits, or whether paying the fee would prevent you from covering basic living expenses. The application form is available at the clerk’s office or on the court’s website.
Once filed, you must serve a copy of your response on your spouse or their attorney, and you cannot deliver it yourself. A friend, relative, or professional process server has to deliver or mail it on your behalf. That person then fills out a proof-of-service form stating what was served, when, and how, and you file that form with the court. Skipping the proof of service can cause problems even when the response itself went in on time.
What Happens If You Miss the Deadline
Ignoring the papers does not stop the divorce. If the deadline passes with nothing on file, your spouse can ask the court to enter a default judgment. The judge can then finalize the divorce and grant your spouse everything requested in the Petition: their proposed property split, their requested custody arrangement, their requested support amounts. No hearing. No objection. The court treats silence as acceptance.
A default judgment can sometimes be vacated, but it’s an uphill fight. You’d have to file a motion showing excusable neglect, improper service, or fraud, and courts generally require that motion within six months. Even a successful motion costs time, money, and credibility. Filing on time avoids all of it.
If You Need More Time
You have two options. Ask your spouse or their attorney to agree to an extension, which is called a stipulation; if both sides agree, it gets filed with the court and the judge almost always approves it. If your spouse won’t agree, file a motion asking the court to extend the deadline. Courts routinely grant these motions on a showing of good cause, such as needing time to find a lawyer or dealing with a medical issue. The one requirement: file the motion before the original deadline expires. Once it passes with nothing filed, you’re in default territory.
If You’re on Active Duty
Active-duty servicemembers get extra protection under federal law. The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act bars your spouse from obtaining a default judgment without first filing an affidavit with the court stating whether you’re in military service. If the court finds you are serving, it must appoint an attorney for you before entering any judgment, and it can require your spouse to post a bond covering losses you might suffer from a judgment entered in your absence. You can also request a stay of the proceedings for a minimum of 90 days if military duties prevent you from appearing or preparing a defense.1Office of the Law Revision Counsel. United States Code Title 50 – Section 3931
Mistakes to Avoid in the First Days
Service of divorce papers triggers an emotional response, and emotional decisions in legal proceedings tend to be expensive. The ones that cause the most damage:
- Ignoring the papers. Not responding doesn’t delay anything; it removes your voice and hands the case to your spouse.
- Draining joint accounts, maxing credit cards, or hiding assets. Judges can trace financial transactions, and the spouse who played games typically ends up worse off than if they’d done nothing.
- Moving out of the marital home without a plan. Leaving can affect temporary custody and your claim to the property. If safety requires it, go, but talk to a lawyer first.
- Venting on social media. Posts, photos, and new-relationship announcements all surface in court.
- Making informal verbal agreements with your spouse about bills or the children. They carry no legal weight and can undermine your position later. Put everything in writing and file it with the court.
After Your Response Is Filed
Filing the response makes you an active party and blocks a default. From there, the case moves into financial disclosures and discovery, where both sides exchange tax returns, pay stubs, account statements, and a detailed list of assets and debts. Either spouse can also ask the court for temporary orders covering who stays in the home, interim custody and visitation, and temporary support while the case is pending. Many courts require mediation before letting a contested case go to trial, particularly when children are involved. Each of those stages has its own rules and timelines, but none of them matter if the response isn’t filed first.